Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Portrait of a Devastating Announcement



I wailed like a spoiled child. All noise. No tears. The news I'd just heard, jolted my head like a heavy duty live-wire. Its sheer implausibility chased me across the forest like some hateful spirit. Bounding without a sense of 'where to' till my legs gave way, I collapsed on a hillock. Brazen wilderness beyond which you would see nothing. Anesthetized by the stiff spears of countless grass soldiers under my person, I fell quiet. I prayed desperately for this loss of sensation to stay. The frenzied panting made to subside. Nothing to do, then, but bide my time before the reality of that unforgiving news came raging, and without fail, back again. No, please, no... My closed eyelids did nothing to help and kept dragging me - by my hair - back to the nauseating thought. Noooooooo, please! A shudder flung them right open and for a few frantic moments I looked wildly around for anything to replace the chaos within.

Respite.

I saw that the big silver sun wasn't whole. He was a million glimmering mirrors instead. How? It was the handiwork of a most intricate web of leaflets overhead. Grateful for this distraction, I pressed my back deeper into the grass, now begging for the numbness to last.

An insignificant lapse of time. My skull was tightening with all that blood rushing to my head. The insides of my face could have been an oven. Blink. An almighty quiver on my lip. Blink. Blink. Breathing hurt.

I threw my elbow toward the sky and squeezed the bridge of my nose with the thumb and index. The image of sunlight collected in the branches above me persisted even after I let my eyelids fall. Komorebi, the  barely accurately translatable Japanese word comes to mind. Shortly, towards either of my temples, unrestrained rivers of salty, heartwrenching pain. At last.

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