Why?

June 13, 2008 at 10:54 am
"Just got 8.0 in the IELTS!"

June 25, 2008 at 12:07 pm
You wrote that you were "confused, frustrated, distraught, nostalgic and yet perfectly happy about it all."

June 27, 2008 at 9:55 am
". . .is losing faith, losing control, losing it all...."

July 2, 2008 at 1:49 pm
"is blogging his heart out and is hoping someone will eventually get the message..."

You put me to sleep one night. And then, you were gone...

Today, nearly a year later, I'm sitting here going through the pages of your "book" that the world reads... Older pages... Pages from the time when I wasn't a part of the site yet.

I'm in tears and absolutely heartbroken.

I only have one thing to ask you:
Why?

Why did you not say to me the very things I wanted to hear?
Why did you have to strut breezily all over town with so much in your head?
Why did you say nothing?

I'll never know...

Maybe some things are better left unsaid.
It maybe that some questions do not have answers after all.

And on September 12, 2008 at 4:16 pm you wrote:
"the rain, the cold, the wind, the pain! and yet, it feels like it should!"

House hunting

Should we move to the outskirts and buy a house there?
Should we just keep this house and rent a big apartment?
Can we afford to take another housing loan?
Is it a good time to sell at all?

Sunday mornings spent poring over the classifieds.
Rows and rows of houses screaming to be bought.
A hopeful phone call after reading the one ad that "feels right".
Talks. Negotiation.
Houses spread right across the city. Apartments. Houses with gardens.
Houses without gates (!). Big houses. Small houses. Duplexes- sigh!
Dilemma.
Headache.

I must've seen all kinds of houses and spoken to a helluva lot of types of people in the past few months!
And the fact remains:
We are yet to find ourselves a warm little nest! :(
If one house has a very unflattering view from the windows, the other cant boast of a parking space :|
The "perfect house" is either too fricking expensive or on planet Uranus!
And if by chance a house fits perfectly in our budget, then... ahem... the owner becomes mortally allergic to dogs!

wtf.

And each time I come as close to it as having picked "my room" and "where the bean bag will go" and "purple drapes... definitely purple!'' it slips right out of our hands and right into the rejected-houses-list.

This is harder than I thought it would be... Tch.
Hmph!

God I feel 40! :|

I ♥ you, pally!

And today, people, I'm letting you in on my latest obsession!
Turn around your boring tank top/ t-shirt into a statement.
Behold!


Short for Palestinian scarves, "the pally" sure is making a lot of heads turn!
Personally, I'm lovin' it!
Big thank you to that article in Bangalore Times of course :)
Now run out and get one already!

* * *
Things heard/read/said over the month gone so swiftly by:

"This is a nightmare. Please wake me."
Art Vandelay said this of Arsenal's horror show at the UEFA semis.

"Democracy died with the hippies..."
-the front man of Utopia (rocking out at a college fest near you)

"The actual useful people are never really your friends."
He calls it 'Sandy's theory of life'. Ahem.

"The future ain't what it used to be."
Yogi Berra

"Music is Pink Floyd."
Cyrus Broacha

They call it PMS because mad cow disease was taken.
Read somewhere on the world wide web; author anonymous.

"You haven't been to Goa? What? Seriously? Why have you not been to Goa?! I cant believe you haven't been to Goa!" said a tanned friend recently back from where-else-but-Goa.

What is common b/w Gandhiji and Shah Rukh Khan?
Both of them returned to India after getting insulted in South Africa. :|
This is the stupid SMS that woke me up today. LAME.

"Hey! You are becoming a Page3 person! How disgusting! :-) "
-the friend who sends me e-books :P

"Red Bull is made from bull sperms... Yep... You didnt know that? It has bull semen in it. Processed of course. Hey! You know... I think you can put that in your CV... "I've blown an angry bull and I don't spit! Hahaha!"
Revelation followed of course by violent retching and nausea.

"Looks like Arsenal should stop playing games at home! :D "
-Camel

"Ohhh! So... like... You are two years older than all of us...?"
as comprehension dawned upon the faces of those 17-somethings who I will be starting my grad course with :(

* * *
Hmm... So I'll be turning 20 soon.
Another year wasted. Spent done nothing the world might remember me by.
On the brighter side though, academic life is finally back on track! Yay! :D
I've guzzled down about 20 litres of Tropicana over the past week.
I also went to a nightclub after ages! Nirvana! :D
I saw a movie called The Unborn. Utter crap.

I'm reading this book called "Relationship Management: How not to piss off friends and be a good girlfriend and make your parents go 'awwww' and teach your dog how to play fetch."
It came free with a copy of "Are you depressed? Don't be! Read this book!"

* * *
Have you ever been showered with pee?
While passing under a railway bridge on your two wheeler? All dressed up?
Happened to me.
x((

Bon Appétit

Before proceeding, please bear in mind that the mercury is soaring these days. Soaring sky high.

*A cousin of mine threw a barbecue party couple of days back.
*Went to a friend's birthday treat at a punjabi dhaba the day before.
*Last night again, my mad, drunk family dragged me to a... wait for it... KABAB STUDIO!
* Mum made eggs for breakfast this morning.
*My fucking tribal neighbor wont stop roasting garlic for her toxic chicken curries!!

That's it.

Talk about overdose! Eugghh!
I'm crying tears of blood so this would all just change and my tummy is no more subjected to such horror!
Anything not vegetarian is officially grossing me out!
I've even been retching in my sleep! X(

All i can think about is fruits and vegetables.
I really need a job at the greengrocer's...


Then again, maybe not.
Yuck!

I'll see you soon. Need to go barf now x(

.blind

...and so i reach the end of the book.

"you never told me you wrote poems!
that was the nicest thing i've read..."
i see you smile,
that heart throbbing smile of yours.

Second time around, i pretend to read,
trying to figure out,
that cologne you're wearing.

i love the clever things you write
"there's more to you, than meets the lips"
wine? woman?
you could be talking about either,
i hardly know you...
seven years is just for the records.

its minutes to midnight,
your voice is doing things to me...
i just wish you'd keep talking all night,
and come a little closer,
only so i can hear you better...

you talk about friends and foes,
in a trance, i agree and nod.
mumbling, i string words together,
merely to prove i'm following,
and not thinking about him...

you sense me drifting, slowly away,
and offer me a drink.
i turn it down and wisely so,
your eyes are intoxicating me enough.

i liked that you asked me to dance,
i liked that you haven't changed a bit,
i hate lilies; but "hey... nice flowers"
the song is perfect, but i haven't waltzed before;
i've seen your face, but never looked before.

it sets me on fire when you look at me like that,
i'm hypnotized.
cant seem to break this gaze.
brainfreeze.
its a slow dance & still i'm breathless,
my knees feel weak; i think i'll succumb,
on a pitch black night
even sinning feels right
don't you see it yet...?
oh read between the lines...

his face disturbing me no more,
i'm inches away from letting go of reason.
silence has set in for the first time tonight,
but you decide let go & end our dance!

standing there; slightly unhinged,
i see you return,
hands full of parchment...
more silence, as i read these poems,
poems that you wrote for....
...me

* * *
quarter to three;
we've been speaking for hours now.
i like your whiskey breath...
i like it when you are this close to me...
and there's one last thing i need to say,

i'm drunk on you,
don't leave me here,
all high and dry...
just come with me to bed tonight,
i can no more tell green from red.
lets not discuss wrong and right,
for i'm blind, too blind tonight.


Postscript:
Written in the wait for the single guy I've loved all my life.
This is just a poem. I don't know what happened to him.