Verbal constipation

Commence "Operation blurt-your-problem-on blogger-dot-com-so-people-you-hardly-know-yet-love-can-give-you-advice". Now.

Ok people! I am having a huge issue with my speech these days!

I cannot string four meaningful words together! No!

Sample this:

17 year old classmate: "Hi! How you doing today"

Me: "*pause* er.. sunshine.. healthy.. er.. gbgbb.. dbb.. gllgg"

17 year old classmate: "Oh! Hmmm what class do we have now? Any idea?"

Me: "*pause* yeah.. i think.. its that... gddg.. lady.. you know.. short.. uhhq.. fat.. ghhg.. er.. lady."

17 year old classmate: "Are you ok?"

Me (nodding at the speed of a high frequency oscillator): "hmm! ghhg."

Her: "Er ok bye!"

Me: "*long pause* ggghbg."

What an embarrassment! I must've looked like I was trying to control potty!

Not just her, each time there is a discussion in class or a gossip-session going on, my vocal chords decide to start shagging! No matter how carefully the words constituting my response are chosen and arranged- my tongue refuses to move in my mouth! Bitch!

And so, all that the class can hear, are my slobbery little gghgs and bddbds and ulkks.

:'(

I think its the sudden switch from being highly unsocial to lots of hey's and hi's and introductions and blah.

Dear rapid fire tongue,

I miss you. Please come back.

-gagged

I chanced upon this little furball at www.corsini.co.uk.

Reminds me a lot of my once-active Gundu :)

Sigh!

Hmmm... I'm gonna google around for some yogasanas for my stiff fucking tongue!

See ya'll soon!

PS: I gave Twilight a shot. Stephanie Meyer's "international bestseller".

BORING!

300 pages in, I decided that book is shit and didnt bother finishing it.

:|

Blah!

And this morning I caught myself doing the weirdest thing, on a whim.
No forethought or any form of planning had gone into it...

Menus appeared, disappeared as I wordlessly searched away... Soon the rapid mouse-clicking and continuous keyboard-jabs of the past 20-25 minutes had given way to some serious déjà vu...

My PC speakers, which are otherwise conditioned to scream aloud numbers by Children of Bodom, were happily crooning almost-forgotten tunes from black and white movies, when it was still legal for the heroine to have curves.

yeh dil na hota bechara
kadam na hote aawara...
jo khoobsoorat koi apna
humsafar hota...

I flopped back on my bed, reminiscing...
This was exactly how it was, some ten years back, summer holidays in good old Jodhpur.
Raj Kapoor and Nargis on a rainy night; when cassettes still ruled supreme, Mohammad Rafi... Khoya khoya chaand... Kishore Kumar's magic, RD Burman's trippy numbers... And aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai...
I miss those broken songs... of not having known the meaning of those words... innocently singing along nevertheless; out of tune and wrong lyrics.
:)

Tapping my feet to sheer nostalgia I decided to go web hunting for nothing in particular...
Here's something I came across on Zafra's Flickr page :

Good eh?
Exactly the kind of stuff that keeps my plans, of opening my own art studio someday, alive and kicking! :D
Shh! Just a little business plan that I'll think of after menopause :P

* * *
And oh! I cannot express how happy I am that I am out of a life that would require me to get fucked, doggy style by a slut called Calculus every night before exams!
Lord, you are kind! :D
Mighty respect though, to people who enjoy it. (I mean the subject, of course) :P

* * *
Ladies and gentlemen!!
Its now time for today's handy tip, in my new segment called.. er well..
"Today's Handy Tip!"

Q. What are you to do when your neighbor's 9 year old has puked so much that the euuugh!-factor has pervaded into your house, right up your nostrils and is molesting your olfactory lobe while you are working on your computer/laptop/any other gadget that is designed to give you cancer or worse upon prolonged exposure?
My handy tip:
"Procure a 100 ml bottle of your favorite fruit concentrate shampoo and sniff on it continuously till you pass out."

* * *
Bulletin board courtesy Clueless's Random News Bureau:

-The much talked about 10 Rupee coins were launched recently!

I think they look pretty fancy... but it ends there.
Do tell me what you think of these.

-Girls! Retail therapy works! (like you needed another soul confirming it!)
So, if you are feeling hopelessly low: hit the shower, get dressed, steal your dad's credit card and go shopping.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
And if all those shopping bags in your hand still don't get you going, get some part of your body pierced.
Cheaper than getting a tattoo and it does NOT hurt much! :D

-Boys! Here's something I read in a glossy, waiting, outside the dentist's:
"Flowers die, photographs fade but bras & panties last forever or at least until you rip them off..."
Haha!
No I'm not saying buy her lingerie! What am I? Some kind of free advertising agency? NO!
I'm saying make love while the sun shines, baby!!
That will make you a satisfied hence calmer person at office, on the road, at lunch, and even while doing the dishes, thus helping you contribute to world peace.

- And oh!! Nadal ousted from ze French Open! *shriek* what next? Cows that cant fly? Or lions that roar? Oh my god! Such impossibility! :|
Sorry for the sarcasm but this one's for the people who said "Feddy looks cute in tears" and things...
Nefarious Demon? Listening? :P
Its OK to lose.

-Is this really going anywhere?
No duh!
(-_-)

I'll write soon!
Ta!

Why?

June 13, 2008 at 10:54 am
"Just got 8.0 in the IELTS!"

June 25, 2008 at 12:07 pm
You wrote that you were "confused, frustrated, distraught, nostalgic and yet perfectly happy about it all."

June 27, 2008 at 9:55 am
". . .is losing faith, losing control, losing it all...."

July 2, 2008 at 1:49 pm
"is blogging his heart out and is hoping someone will eventually get the message..."

You put me to sleep one night. And then, you were gone...

Today, nearly a year later, I'm sitting here going through the pages of your "book" that the world reads... Older pages... Pages from the time when I wasn't a part of the site yet.

I'm in tears and absolutely heartbroken.

I only have one thing to ask you:
Why?

Why did you not say to me the very things I wanted to hear?
Why did you have to strut breezily all over town with so much in your head?
Why did you say nothing?

I'll never know...

Maybe some things are better left unsaid.
It maybe that some questions do not have answers after all.

And on September 12, 2008 at 4:16 pm you wrote:
"the rain, the cold, the wind, the pain! and yet, it feels like it should!"

House hunting

Should we move to the outskirts and buy a house there?
Should we just keep this house and rent a big apartment?
Can we afford to take another housing loan?
Is it a good time to sell at all?

Sunday mornings spent poring over the classifieds.
Rows and rows of houses screaming to be bought.
A hopeful phone call after reading the one ad that "feels right".
Talks. Negotiation.
Houses spread right across the city. Apartments. Houses with gardens.
Houses without gates (!). Big houses. Small houses. Duplexes- sigh!
Dilemma.
Headache.

I must've seen all kinds of houses and spoken to a helluva lot of types of people in the past few months!
And the fact remains:
We are yet to find ourselves a warm little nest! :(
If one house has a very unflattering view from the windows, the other cant boast of a parking space :|
The "perfect house" is either too fricking expensive or on planet Uranus!
And if by chance a house fits perfectly in our budget, then... ahem... the owner becomes mortally allergic to dogs!

wtf.

And each time I come as close to it as having picked "my room" and "where the bean bag will go" and "purple drapes... definitely purple!'' it slips right out of our hands and right into the rejected-houses-list.

This is harder than I thought it would be... Tch.
Hmph!

God I feel 40! :|

I ♥ you, pally!

And today, people, I'm letting you in on my latest obsession!
Turn around your boring tank top/ t-shirt into a statement.
Behold!


Short for Palestinian scarves, "the pally" sure is making a lot of heads turn!
Personally, I'm lovin' it!
Big thank you to that article in Bangalore Times of course :)
Now run out and get one already!

* * *
Things heard/read/said over the month gone so swiftly by:

"This is a nightmare. Please wake me."
Art Vandelay said this of Arsenal's horror show at the UEFA semis.

"Democracy died with the hippies..."
-the front man of Utopia (rocking out at a college fest near you)

"The actual useful people are never really your friends."
He calls it 'Sandy's theory of life'. Ahem.

"The future ain't what it used to be."
Yogi Berra

"Music is Pink Floyd."
Cyrus Broacha

They call it PMS because mad cow disease was taken.
Read somewhere on the world wide web; author anonymous.

"You haven't been to Goa? What? Seriously? Why have you not been to Goa?! I cant believe you haven't been to Goa!" said a tanned friend recently back from where-else-but-Goa.

What is common b/w Gandhiji and Shah Rukh Khan?
Both of them returned to India after getting insulted in South Africa. :|
This is the stupid SMS that woke me up today. LAME.

"Hey! You are becoming a Page3 person! How disgusting! :-) "
-the friend who sends me e-books :P

"Red Bull is made from bull sperms... Yep... You didnt know that? It has bull semen in it. Processed of course. Hey! You know... I think you can put that in your CV... "I've blown an angry bull and I don't spit! Hahaha!"
Revelation followed of course by violent retching and nausea.

"Looks like Arsenal should stop playing games at home! :D "
-Camel

"Ohhh! So... like... You are two years older than all of us...?"
as comprehension dawned upon the faces of those 17-somethings who I will be starting my grad course with :(

* * *
Hmm... So I'll be turning 20 soon.
Another year wasted. Spent done nothing the world might remember me by.
On the brighter side though, academic life is finally back on track! Yay! :D
I've guzzled down about 20 litres of Tropicana over the past week.
I also went to a nightclub after ages! Nirvana! :D
I saw a movie called The Unborn. Utter crap.

I'm reading this book called "Relationship Management: How not to piss off friends and be a good girlfriend and make your parents go 'awwww' and teach your dog how to play fetch."
It came free with a copy of "Are you depressed? Don't be! Read this book!"

* * *
Have you ever been showered with pee?
While passing under a railway bridge on your two wheeler? All dressed up?
Happened to me.
x((