Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Ugly Truth... (Everybody has one)

Psychology is dull.
I had a test on "Study of gender differences".
See, that is a just a tiny part of my psychology syllabus that explores everything from modules of memory, to intelligence theories, and biological basis of behaviour.

So I started going through the stupidly typed out "points to remember".

-Men naturally exhibit qualities to do with leadership, aggression, and independence.
-Women possess traits involving warmth, nurturance and sensitivity
-Women do not state the facts outright, but tend to add question tags.
eg. "Its cold today, isn't it?"

No thanks, not me.
-Men talk assertively and state facts outright.So much easier. Hmm.
-Women are better at transmitting and decoding non-verbal cues (involving facial expression, eye contact, body postures and movements). They can tell what another person means/wants by observing and mentally analysing these cues.
They do? Am I missing something here? If a man scratches his balls, isn't he just itchy? End of story, no? What's to fucking decode?!
-Women view aggression as loss of self control, thus, avoid it
Ha! Gay bitches.
-Men view aggression as an exercise in self control over others, as a result of challenge to their self esteem.
See? That's more like it! I still remember. Dyutidhar. Bitch-slapped him right across the face!
-Causes for gender differences... blah... Berenbaum and Hines... blah blah 1992 study... assessment of children's preferences in toys... blah...
I never had a barbie doll. Barbie is gay.
Soft toys- nope. Teddy bears- hell no. No pink shit. No frocks. No baby pictures of me with long, brushed, pretty hair. I'm covered in mud in half my photos. I'm bruised/bleeding/crying in the rest.
The words rang in my head:
Barbie dolls... Aggression... Nurturance... Body postures... toys... mud... bruises... differences. GENDER DIFFERENCES.

I'm..... I'm....? not? *sob* Am I not....? *sniff sniff*
I have more boy-traits than girl traits. *sniff*
After all those hours spent every morning to shave my legs?
After all these years of sitting down and peeing? *sob*
"But what the hell! I have boobs! I've had them forever" I said to myself as I broke down.
"Adi has boobs." said an evil voice that came from the very depths of my head.
"Shut up motherfucker" I said to the evil voice that came from the very depths of my head.

Then, I heard a bodiless 'good' voice. I wiped the tears off my face. With a very business-like tone, it asked me a few questions.

Do you know about the latest sensation in the gadget world?
What are 'stocks' and 'shares'?
RSS feeds? BitTorrent??
"No idea."
Do you get drunk and talk about sex?
Did you watch Swat Kats as a child growing up? "Nope!"
Do you watch football only because of the hot guys and not know what 'offside' means?
Congratulations, clueless. You are a girl.
You are as much a girl as Edward Cullen is gay.

"Oh! Thank you bodiless 'good' voice with a very business-like tone! Thank you ever so much! I can peacefully go to sleep now and think about unnecessary things to spend a lot of money on!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Predictable, aren't I?

mummy ko
pappa ko
munna/munni ko
best friend ko
girlfriend ko
pados wali aunty ko
doodh wale ko
kaam bai ko
doggie ko
meow ko

Happy diwali!
Have a bright and shiny one! :)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

What's exams got to do with it?


My end semester exams start on October 12th

-Rewind to a few days back-

Me: (beaming) I've done really well in the tests! :D
Dad: (from behind the newspaper) Of course you did, you are older than everybody else in class.
Me: Er... hello? I really did well...
Dad: (in some kinda trance) You had better get a distinction. All your cousins have completed graduation! No excuses! Top the college! I want to see a gold medal!
Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahha!
Haha. It's B.A. I'm doing. They wont give me a gold medal even if I take the exam under the fricking ocean and top the class.
Dad: (in total trance) Don't say that. Work hard. Have faith. You can do it. You Can Win. One Minute Manager. Who moved My Cheese? First, Break All The Rules. 7 Habits of Habits of Highly Effective People. (yes, I said total trance)
Me: Er... Bye dad.

* * *
Its 3 days, 85 hours and 5001 minutes for exam to start and I have questions:

Why does my best friend decide to buy that dark, gloomy cloud and hang it right over my head?
Why must the cutest boy in town message me all the time when I have 5 full units to study?
Why does my dad suddenly decide to "let's have a drink tonight, beta?"
Free fucking whiskey- like I'll ever refuse.
Why is my blow-job of a neighbor bursting crackers all day- at regular intervals of time?
Motherfucker, it ain't diwali yet and I'm really trying to study.
And why does my other neighbor suddenly want to drill a zillion holes in his wall?!
If he goes on for one more day, I swear he'll be the first of our species to have two assholes.
Why did my sister bring the world's-most-amazing-movie-collection home?
How can I fall asleep while studying, 6 times in a row?
How the fuck can I still be watching TV & eating potato chips all day?
Who replaced my appetite with a whale's?!

Exams- they're here.
I have just 2 million distractions to battle.
I just cant stop eating for fuck's sake.
Calorie intake surpasses actual requirement by light years.
Seratonin OD. I cant even stay awake long enough to figure out "functions of the hippocampus"
Exams- they're here.