Friday, January 30, 2009

I randomly crave for certain eatables at un-godly hours.

4 pm.
the other day:

I was starving.
The chapatis weren't tempting me.
I bought a pack of Britannia bourbon.

My mind was racing...
"Sorry my love, I have been unfaithful. I have been guiltily snacking on potato chips for a while now. Pardon me. But know this, I never forgot you... ever. Thought about you... all along....
Only you.
But do not weep,
for I have to returned.
This is our destiny.
I have you in my arms now. I ask for nothing more."

(at this point I take a break to laugh my butt off, oblivious to the bored/annoyed expression on YOUR face)

(I now continue the narration)

I ripped the packet open, which I noticed had changed (a considerable bit) over time.
With the gastric juices completely at work, I plunged my hand into the packet and pulled one baby out- all the while muttering "yum.... yum... yum...."
I gazed at it.

*whip cracking noise*
Eyes: widen in shock.
Salivary Glands: suddenly defunct.
Violins in the background: grind to halt.

One. Sugar. Cryst
Just one bloody sugar crystal on the entire rectangular space...
What?? no!!
What happened to so many sugar crystals that used to almost cover the biscuit?!
I checked out the other pieces!
Same story.

My heart fell.
I felt like the Prince, who after being banished from his kingdom for epic-inspiring-reasons, returns to see it in evil hands.
In ruins.
Tears, then anger, consumed me!
I declared war!

(I now decide to cut out on anymore possible Ramayan-ish innuendos from this narration and mellow down my tone)

Disappointed, I finished the pack of sugar crystal deficient "bubbon bikki"... reminiscent... of the days in Jodhpur... and this biscuit then...
Sitting on the swing, I let the wave of mixed feelings crash against me. Over, and over again.
And I wordlessly asked no one in particular...
"you think they got them too? britannia little hearts... do you...?"
And I realised i had this well formed tear, sitting at the corner of my right eye...
I bent my head... closed my eyes...
It rolled right down...

* * * * * *

Its 4 bloody am.
I think I have insomnia.
Enrique's music is gay.
I want some hot, "full of flavour" melt-in-the-mouth seekh kababs.
Right now x(

I am salivating.
Like you aren't. biiiitch.
Willing to even go brush my teeth for it!
Its 4 bloody am.

* * * * *

More on "Why I'm listening to great music form the 40's, 50's and 60's" soon.
Also, listen in on what movie I watched over the weekend & how I killed a grizzly bear in an epic tale of love, nutrition and symbiosis.

Stuff I want to post about but cant find enough smart-ass words:
*cell phones (i want to throw mine away 'cuz it wont stop beeping.)
*valentine's day
*dark circles
* and... about my "me nooo shut up, ever." disease

time: 0430 hours.
Good morning folks.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

New Post. ( i'm THAT bored)

I'm feeling horrible today. My guy friends' group is en-route to Mallu Land for vacation*
I am not.
I am at home. Not travelling in a train. Not laughing my head off at men's humour that I was just designed to resonate with. Not planning on how to get druuuuunk, the next seven days. No sirree.
Not making grand plans of how to protect our bags & luggage from strangers/thieves/cops.
And certainly not chalking out a cool modus operandi involving my bros helping the only girl in the group get around Thrissur without being stoned to death. 

Activity: Write a letter to someone you have always wanted to, but have never had the time. Grades to be counted for final assessment."

Letter that didn't get an A+

Dear Indian moral police,
Fuck you, okay? In the ass. And NO lube.
Long time... Haven't heard from you guys since, erm, the last time you took away someone's freedom? Hope all is rotten your end.

I have to congratulate you upon your latest accomplishment. Thanks for stopping me going on a rail trip with my brothers!

These were the reasons given to an almost-20 year old girl (with the best biceps in the group) as to why she shouldn't go on this trip:
a) "You are incapable of protecting yourself." Well, you're wrong there.
b) "You must not be sharing rooms with boys. " My fucking life!
c) "What if you get homesick/in a problem?" 7 days for Lord's sake. Just 7 friggin' days.
d) Finally, the trump card-  *that* shocked expression. seriously? You people are sadists. And pussies. Oh and also, narrow minded. NARROW MINDED. Hey, did I mention "narrow minded"?

Hmmm... So... %&^$ @# ? $^ Ah? @#$%^* i do hope... And*!@$@ h#% d#$%^^* v $%&^ #$^%^f d$^% b &%* o&#$ It sure @$%&(. You $% ghd%eta f*#$ you definitely do $^^@#$... hmmm so how t$#^%?? Aww fuck you... %$&^ $^*^** #%% Yeah, *%&#$ 'kay!

Until next time then...
Two middle fingers.


* * * * *

Feeling all sad, I got home from the railway station.
6:20 am.


Excuse me?

Yeah. That's him and that is him.
"Streets of Philadelphia" was playing.
That's when I realised... that... these two have ditto faces!


Uncanny or what? #celebritylookalikes

* * * * *

I force this upon my ears when I'm low and out.
James Brown: I Feel Good.
It really just works like a motherfucker.

Hmmm so until I get my next salary, or that phone call from UK, or maybe even an extra itchy pimple,

All images in this post have been put together by me.

Aren't Yellow dresses just F. A. B.?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

signed: clueless.

I'm currently ga-ga over:


I mean, how fantastic are these things (right now)?
If you know me well, you'll know what's going on in my head.
"How much will a Polaroid cam cost? Wiki- here i come! Hmmm and what should I shoot when I get it..? Whats gonna be the caption for each shot...? How to convince dad? Hey I can take cool pictures with it for my blog. One everyday, like Ashley! Wow I love Polaroids!"

I recently saw a lot of these in a documentary on the Discovery channel, in "dostana" and hey, even visual DNA uses these! see? Polaroids are everywhere! :D

(Image used is a photograph taken by Jeff Zoet in 2005)

And guess what I'm gonna do now...?

talk some more! XD

*Try saying aloud, "wasps" or "tasks" even "grasps".
Notice the weird little noise at the end of each word- they're quite funny!
Me and my sister were studying one afternoon and discovered this.
Now try "bursts" :P

*The goth name generator called me "Trainwreck". Heck!!
It also called sudvrjcuw "Trainwreck".

*My mother had been trying to talk to anybody from the TataSky "helpline" for two days. Apparently the mechanical voice kept asking her to wait till they connected her to someone from technical support. I tried. It connected in no time.
"Don't tell them you are an existing customer ma, press the button they ask you to, for scheduling an installation. Someone will answer in under 10 seconds" I told her.
It happens only in India!

*Chances are, you'll be less bored on Facebook after 3 hours of logging in, versus 2 on Orkut.

*I just saw the first look of Dilli 6- Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra's "much awaited next". Sorry to say but it looks like a Saawariya (minus the blue) meets Bluffmaster and they fly to New York movie!
I really hope I'm wrong, and that there's more on offer.

*12 different people asked me 57 different questions today.
"I don't know" has been my answer.

*Yesterday I was just going through my music library. You know, through the old stuff which i haven't heard in the longest time And i came across an old favourite- Come Undone by Duran Duran... have heard it 23 times since.
Also playing: Billy Joel's She's always a woman to me. Two steps behind by Def Leppard, this track called Its all coming back to me now and Ronan Keating's When you say nothing at all... Also the almost dreamy Fable by Robert Miles.
I feel 14 again! :)
By the way, my sister finally got an i-pod (pink!!) as a late Christmas gift. So yayyy!

* Have you noticed that I'm actually sounding cheerful? Unlike the 364 days of last year? I'll tell you why. Its because I know I have a way out. I just realised that I can always just get the hell out of engineering. So there's really nothing much to worry about and cry! =)

*From the makers maker of Orkutti and the Menu Card jokes:
Q: If they made a sequel to "Rock On!!" what would they call it?
Ans: Moron.
(as in, More-On!!)

If you didn't think my joke was funny, go on, take a dekko of this:

Still not funny?
You need to get laid.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

this will test your patience.

I'll just go ahead and say that 2008 was a crazy bitch.
I don't like crazy bitches.

All I remember from the year that has just about gone by, is:
a) getting drunk
b) crying

As on 1st of January, 2008:
weight: 62 kg.
hairdo: crap.
dressing sense: crap. transition phase clothes.
relationship status: great (i thought)
emotional rape count: 12
my phone: nokia 6030 :|
financial status: broke.
other status: non blogger, free of piercings, year back virgin, w/o a camera, depressed.

Flashback then, of the year that was:

January: One drunken welcome to 2008.
navel piercing!
one near death incident.

February: The great Indian ditching ceremony- I was left alone and shagging on valentines day :|
Meanwhile, one cry by Reethesh made me the the butt of all jokes. "Jain college sucks" he screamed. Every other person in Ambedkar college gladly joined him. Boo ya!

March: I met two boys at this restaurant. One was the birthday boy, the other boy was all about "how to wear shades in the dark and make them look good".

April: I sat at home thinking how fun life in Jain college was.

May: My budday! :D I got calls till 2 in the morning which was great because in 2007, only 6 people wished me. (Yes, family and dog included)

June: The don't-attend-a-single-lecture month.

July: I'll call this month "the dark knight festival". I started writing again. Cried all night, July 29th after reading something in Jogi's Orkut scrapbook...

August: The great Indian flunk-athon. I died. So did my parents' hopes. But what the heck, other then the bad-ass Ramnagar trip, I cant remember anything else. \,,/. ye ye!

September: Partying with drunk uncles and aunts.

October: Partying with drunk uncles and aunts.

November: The jungle holiday at Kabini! :D

December: I had to be home alone for almost a week. C'mon! do your math! B-)

As on 1st of January, 2009:
weight: 61 kg.
hairdo: definitely feminine.
dressing sense: B-)
relationship status: great (touch wood)
emotional rape count: 36,004.
my phone: xpressmusic 5610 A samsung phone that weighs 4 kg.
financial status: ka ching!
other status: active on the blogosphere. Navel: pierced. Year back- been there, yawn...

Quick check...

-Work done over the year:
Reassessing my "people I should kill before I die" list.
-Goals accomplished:
"look feminine at the end of 2008" whew!
"take up part time jobs" Check. B-)
-Old friends I caught up with:
Deepu... finally! :)
The University of Melbourne grad student (ahem) and gang :D

-The biggest realisation of 2008:
Reading the newspaper/ watching a news bulletin is the single most depressing thing in life.
-Top medical disasters:
My nasal bone fracture. Yes, I fractured my nose. Try it at home, its not that easy.
-The biggest heart break:
When my phone crashed and I lost this poem called "in the depths of darkness... you bring me light" I cried my eyes out and looked everywhere for a copy... still cant string it together....
-Grossest moment of the year:
Cleaning Sandy's puke. Which made me puke. Thrice over.

"My year in pictures"/ photo awards/oww just take a look already!
Here we go...

First up, the most unforgettable day of 08!

08 - my favourite picture:

the most contemplated haircut:

the bestest pet ever... I cant believe we left him alone for 50 hours! :'(

this photo bags all awards under the "silliest poses" category:

the responsible citizen moment:

the most worked upon photo award:

here's why:

the "rotflol" moment of '08!

the "one of its kind" photograph award:

"most nostalgic photo" goes to:

My worst shot / disaster of the century:
(please kill one unskilled make up artist, today. You can make a difference.)

the strongest person of the year award:

beer swigging moment: #384

Its been a roller coaster of a year. (sometimes you just cannot help but be cliche, see?)
So this year I've decided not to cry...
Not even when my flip flops break.
Or when I see a lot of hair in a man's ears.

My new year resolution: To learn how to tie a tie. (no typo this.)

Looking forward to a good year!
No, I have not ordered tires for my car. Har har har!

not funny?
Ok :(

Happy new year, people! :D
Here's to love, life and laughter :)