Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Ugly Truth... (Everybody has one)


Psychology is dull.
I had a test on "Study of gender differences".
See, that is a just a tiny part of my psychology syllabus that explores everything from modules of memory, to intelligence theories, and biological basis of behaviour.

Dull.
So I started going through the stupidly typed out "points to remember".

-Men naturally exhibit qualities to do with leadership, aggression, and independence.
-Women possess traits involving warmth, nurturance and sensitivity
.
*Yawn*
-Women do not state the facts outright, but tend to add question tags.
eg. "Its cold today, isn't it?"

No thanks, not me.
-Men talk assertively and state facts outright.So much easier. Hmm.
-Women are better at transmitting and decoding non-verbal cues (involving facial expression, eye contact, body postures and movements). They can tell what another person means/wants by observing and mentally analysing these cues.
They do? Am I missing something here? If a man scratches his balls, isn't he just itchy? End of story, no? What's to fucking decode?!
-Women view aggression as loss of self control, thus, avoid it
Ha! Gay bitches.
-Men view aggression as an exercise in self control over others, as a result of challenge to their self esteem.
See? That's more like it! I still remember. Dyutidhar. Bitch-slapped him right across the face!
-Causes for gender differences... blah... Berenbaum and Hines... blah blah 1992 study... assessment of children's preferences in toys... blah...
Toys...
Toys.
I never had a barbie doll. Barbie is gay.
Soft toys- nope. Teddy bears- hell no. No pink shit. No frocks. No baby pictures of me with long, brushed, pretty hair. I'm covered in mud in half my photos. I'm bruised/bleeding/crying in the rest.
The words rang in my head:
Barbie dolls... Aggression... Nurturance... Body postures... toys... mud... bruises... differences. GENDER DIFFERENCES.

I'm..... I'm....? not? *sob* Am I not....? *sniff sniff*
I have more boy-traits than girl traits. *sniff*
After all those hours spent every morning to shave my legs?
After all these years of sitting down and peeing? *sob*
"But what the hell! I have boobs! I've had them forever" I said to myself as I broke down.
"Adi has boobs." said an evil voice that came from the very depths of my head.
"Shut up motherfucker" I said to the evil voice that came from the very depths of my head.

Then, I heard a bodiless 'good' voice. I wiped the tears off my face. With a very business-like tone, it asked me a few questions.

Do you know about the latest sensation in the gadget world?
"No."
What are 'stocks' and 'shares'?
"Dunno."
RSS feeds? BitTorrent??
"No idea."
Do you get drunk and talk about sex?
"Yes."
Did you watch Swat Kats as a child growing up? "Nope!"
Do you watch football only because of the hot guys and not know what 'offside' means?
*giggle*
Congratulations, clueless. You are a girl.
You are as much a girl as Edward Cullen is gay.

"Oh! Thank you bodiless 'good' voice with a very business-like tone! Thank you ever so much! I can peacefully go to sleep now and think about unnecessary things to spend a lot of money on!
Goodnight..."

11 comments:

  1. You are a girl... I think the good voice knocked on the wrong door... :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks rahul... thanks a bunch :P
    may you be blessed with lots of healthy, good looking children :P teehee...

    adi: Man boobs= moobs- what are you, Chandler? Its boobs. period.

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol :D in de lingo of clueless 'gay' is as much of a swear word as motherfucker etc etc.. if not more.. :p

    ReplyDelete
  4. No wonder my shrink tells me to close my eyes and convince myself that the world is ruled by love and souls are healed by it. he must have learnt this shitty psychology at school too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Vikas: Oh its more! wayyy more :P
    If you ask me, "gay" should be made a swear word- strictly to abuse/describe Indian reality TV, Bella Swan, pink stationery etc.
    But full respect to our homo friends. \,,/.
    These guys shouldnt be called gay... Really. They should be called the machas or something...
    Well. Just a thought.

    Nivedita: You betcha! Sheesh! :|

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's pretty brilliant. I liked your internal banter. I find psychology stuff always tends to be pretentious. Especially gender identity stuff. It's a pretty touchy subject for me so i'll just stop there. But yeah, therapists. One of the things I could do without.

    ReplyDelete
  7. well.. it won't be long before "the machas" becomes a swear word too.. :p you're like the Hitler to the jews(read gays) :p i think i'm pretty sure i'l give my right hand to see the confrontation between you and Wendell Rodricks. You shoulda seen him go on about gays on T.V the other day.. anyways..
    No More thoughts. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lolz loved the part about the offside :D
    Nice !!

    ReplyDelete
  9. loved your blog!... especially this post

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks Nikhil :D

    @The Saleman: Thank you sir :D

    ReplyDelete

Show me some love, go on <3