Monday, June 29, 2009

Verbal constipation

Commence "Operation blurt-your-problem-on blogger-dot-com-so-people-you-hardly-know-yet-love-can-give-you-advice". Now.

Ok people! I am having a huge issue with my speech these days!
I cannot string four meaningful words together! No!
Sample this:

17 year old classmate: "Hi! How you doing today"
Me: "*pause* er.. sunshine.. healthy.. er.. gbgbb.. dbb.. gllgg"
17 year old classmate: "Oh! Hmmm what class do we have now? Any idea?"
Me: "*pause* yeah.. i think.. its that... gddg.. lady.. you know.. short.. uhhq.. fat.. ghhg.. er.. lady."
17 year old classmate: "Are you ok?"
Me (nodding at the speed of a high frequency oscillator): "hmm! ghhg."
Her: "Er ok bye!"
Me: "*long pause* ggghbg."

What an embarrassment! I must've looked like I was trying to control potty!

Not just her, each time there is a discussion in class or a gossip-session going on, my vocal chords decide to start shagging! No matter how carefully the words constituting my response are chosen and arranged- my tongue refuses to move in my mouth! Bitch!
And so, all that the class can hear, are my slobbery little gghgs and bddbds and ulkks.
I think its the sudden switch from being highly unsocial to lots of hey's and hi's and introductions and blah.

Dear rapid fire tongue,
I miss you. Please come back.
I chanced upon this little furball at
Reminds me a lot of my once-active Gundu :)

Hmmm... I'm gonna google around for some yogasanas for my stiff fucking tongue!
See ya'll soon!

PS: I gave Twilight a shot. Stephanie Meyer's "international bestseller".
300 pages in, I decided that book is shit and didnt bother finishing it.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


And this morning I caught myself doing the weirdest thing, on a whim.
No forethought or any form of planning had gone into it...

Menus appeared, disappeared as I wordlessly searched away... Soon the rapid mouse-clicking and continuous keyboard-jabs of the past 20-25 minutes had given way to some serious déjà vu...

My PC speakers, which are otherwise conditioned to scream aloud numbers by Children of Bodom, were happily crooning almost-forgotten tunes from black and white movies, when it was still legal for the heroine to have curves.

yeh dil na hota bechara
kadam na hote aawara...
jo khoobsoorat koi apna
humsafar hota...

I flopped back on my bed, reminiscing...
This was exactly how it was, some ten years back, summer holidays in good old Jodhpur.
Raj Kapoor and Nargis on a rainy night; when cassettes still ruled supreme, Mohammad Rafi... Khoya khoya chaand... Kishore Kumar's magic, RD Burman's trippy numbers... And aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai...
I miss those broken songs... of not having known the meaning of those words... innocently singing along nevertheless; out of tune and wrong lyrics.

Tapping my feet to sheer nostalgia I decided to go web hunting for nothing in particular...
Here's something I came across on Zafra's Flickr page :

Good eh?
Exactly the kind of stuff that keeps my plans, of opening my own art studio someday, alive and kicking! :D
Shh! Just a little business plan that I'll think of after menopause :P

* * *
And oh! I cannot express how happy I am that I am out of a life that would require me to get fucked, doggy style by a slut called Calculus every night before exams!
Lord, you are kind! :D
Mighty respect though, to people who enjoy it. (I mean the subject, of course) :P

* * *
Ladies and gentlemen!!
Its now time for today's handy tip, in my new segment called.. er well..
"Today's Handy Tip!"

Q. What are you to do when your neighbor's 9 year old has puked so much that the euuugh!-factor has pervaded into your house, right up your nostrils and is molesting your olfactory lobe while you are working on your computer/laptop/any other gadget that is designed to give you cancer or worse upon prolonged exposure?
My handy tip:
"Procure a 100 ml bottle of your favorite fruit concentrate shampoo and sniff on it continuously till you pass out."

* * *
Bulletin board courtesy Clueless's Random News Bureau:

-The much talked about 10 Rupee coins were launched recently!

I think they look pretty fancy... but it ends there.
Do tell me what you think of these.

-Girls! Retail therapy works! (like you needed another soul confirming it!)
So, if you are feeling hopelessly low: hit the shower, get dressed, steal your dad's credit card and go shopping.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
And if all those shopping bags in your hand still don't get you going, get some part of your body pierced.
Cheaper than getting a tattoo and it does NOT hurt much! :D

-Boys! Here's something I read in a glossy, waiting, outside the dentist's:
"Flowers die, photographs fade but bras & panties last forever or at least until you rip them off..."
No I'm not saying buy her lingerie! What am I? Some kind of free advertising agency? NO!
I'm saying make love while the sun shines, baby!!
That will make you a satisfied hence calmer person at office, on the road, at lunch, and even while doing the dishes, thus helping you contribute to world peace.

- And oh!! Nadal ousted from ze French Open! *shriek* what next? Cows that cant fly? Or lions that roar? Oh my god! Such impossibility! :|
Sorry for the sarcasm but this one's for the people who said "Feddy looks cute in tears" and things...
Nefarious Demon? Listening? :P
Its OK to lose.

-Is this really going anywhere?
No duh!

I'll write soon!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


June 13, 2008 at 10:54 am
"Just got 8.0 in the IELTS!"

June 25, 2008 at 12:07 pm
You wrote that you were
"confused, frustrated, distraught, nostalgic and yet perfectly happy about it all."

June 27, 2008 at 9:55 am

". . .is losing faith, losing control, losing it all...."

July 2, 2008 at 1:49 pm
"is blogging his heart out and is hoping someone will eventually get the message...

You put me to sleep one night. And then, you were gone...

Today, nearly a year later, I'm sitting here going through the pages of your "book" that the world reads... Older pages... Pages from the time when I wasn't a part of the site yet.

I'm in tears and absolutely heartbroken.

I only have one thing to ask you:

Why did you not say to me the very things I wanted to hear?
Why did you have to strut breezily all over town with so much in your head?
Why did you say nothing?

I'll never know...

Maybe some things are better left unsaid.
It maybe that some questions do not have answers after all.

And on September 12, 2008 at 4:16 pm you wrote:
"the rain, the cold, the wind, the pain! and yet, it feels like it should!"