Monday, June 29, 2009

Verbal constipation

Commence "Operation blurt-your-problem-on blogger-dot-com-so-people-you-hardly-know-yet-love-can-give-you-advice". Now.

Ok people! I am having a huge issue with my speech these days!
I cannot string four meaningful words together! No!
Sample this:

17 year old classmate: "Hi! How you doing today"
Me: "*pause* er.. sunshine.. healthy.. er.. gbgbb.. dbb.. gllgg"
17 year old classmate: "Oh! Hmmm what class do we have now? Any idea?"
Me: "*pause* yeah.. i think.. its that... gddg.. lady.. you know.. short.. uhhq.. fat.. ghhg.. er.. lady."
17 year old classmate: "Are you ok?"
Me (nodding at the speed of a high frequency oscillator): "hmm! ghhg."
Her: "Er ok bye!"
Me: "*long pause* ggghbg."

What an embarrassment! I must've looked like I was trying to control potty!

Not just her, each time there is a discussion in class or a gossip-session going on, my vocal chords decide to start shagging! No matter how carefully the words constituting my response are chosen and arranged- my tongue refuses to move in my mouth! Bitch!
And so, all that the class can hear, are my slobbery little gghgs and bddbds and ulkks.
I think its the sudden switch from being highly unsocial to lots of hey's and hi's and introductions and blah.

Dear rapid fire tongue,
I miss you. Please come back.
I chanced upon this little furball at
Reminds me a lot of my once-active Gundu :)

Hmmm... I'm gonna google around for some yogasanas for my stiff fucking tongue!
See ya'll soon!

PS: I gave Twilight a shot. Stephanie Meyer's "international bestseller".
300 pages in, I decided that book is shit and didnt bother finishing it.


  1. verbal diarrhea. imagining oneself as rakhi sawant usually helps. although the"*long pause* ggghbg." does sound well exciting, I must try that.

    brill blog!

  2. try applying coconut oil on both sides of your tongue..

    P.S : Plz Tell me if it works... I need to patent this idea!!!
    Oh My God !!! I am a genius!!!

  3. Wow. You must be the only chick in town who thinks Twilight is boring - and I love you for that.

    As for the "verbal constipation", you should try...uh. I don't know, I usually just say "your mom" to whatever anyone tells me. Might not work in your situation though. Hey, speaking of "your mom", I just realized something - there's not a single good comeback anyone can say to the following three insults:

    - Your mom
    - You gaylord
    - You fucking blowjob

    Think about it, what can anyone possible say if you call them a blowjob? I think Russell Peters came up with that one. Hmm

    Yes, I realize this doesn't really help much, but I'm not really the helping kind. :(

  4. Vaudevillian: Thanks for the dekko!
    Eeeks- I am never imagining myself to be rakhi sawant, even if my tongue swells up in my mouth and rots due to lack of exercise! *shivers*

    Rahul: Dont be so happy, Einstein! I already tried that! Even grease from the local mechanic! Tcch, I need a more powerful solution :P Help!

    Kraven, my friend, its ok to not be the helpful kind. Chill.
    and Russell Peters is genius- I'm still thinking of a comeback for "you fucking blowjob"

    er... erm.

    And oh yeah Twilight = Supergay!
    Didnt think you'dever read it though!

  5. like when did you ever string 4 'meaningful' words together? :P

  6. Twilight is such a bitch i swear.. its pure torture....

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