Sunday, September 21, 2008

confessions of a really stupid girl.



So I typed it out "I just wanted to say that I have an itsy-bitsy crush on you..." deleted it all... typed out a whole big funny explanation... saved it in drafts... "naah"... deleted it all again and wrote it out in as few words i could.
Jesus Christ! I couldn't be doing this! was I doing this?! I mean should I? shouldn't I? damn.. but he's a pal... he'd understand.. I'm sure he had been there, done that too... and besides i wasn't saying "i wanna grow old with you" or something. Imagine me saying that to any guy at this point in life-
no really, I'm not a retard.
Yeah so, telling a guy that you got the hots for him is no big deal right?
Wrong.
'cause he was already seeing this chick.
horribly, this occurred to me after i sent the message.
"what was i thinking? OK that was stupid! totally dumb. evil. and definitely not required!"
I only prayed to god that he'd laugh it off. and I'd be more than glad to do precisely that.

But the reply that came, almost killed me. He said his friends had his phone, and now they were all rolling on the floor laughing.
First thought: oh fuck. get a plastic surgery. leave town. assume another identity and always remain, mysteriously, tragically silent about my past.
Second thought: well, at least they were laughing.

Awkward moment; definitely awkward. how could I possibly get out of this alive & not embarrassed? I just acted like it was no big deal. He was sweet enough to understand. So a few messages later, I cleverly steered the conversation to another, and hopefully a more interesting topic.
whew!

Eversince, I've been feeling horrible. Well, not because of what happened but more because of whats happening as a result. Get it? Or should I say more because of whats not happening as a result?
I mean he hasn't messaged me after that! x(
Maybe it is that. Or maybe I'm just
over reacting...
So I'm here... at the confession box - blogger.com. Hopefully after this is out on the world wide web, I'll feel better.
Well, in my defence (if that is needed) for me, it still is no big deal. Anyone would guess that I've said wayyyyy crazier things to a guy. What I told him was very by the way... very sweet.. even an almost instinctive thing to do. Aneesha didn't agree. She kept giving me looks.
I had no answer.
I was just sitting there... guilty... but still giggling my head off... lost in thoughts...
I hope that the cute equation I share with him doesnt change. Ouch, that would hurt.
I hope I find a nice guy to go on a few dates with soon (only so that all this gets erased off his mind)!
Hmmmm...

My work here is done. :P
And I'm pretty sure that the moment he reads this, he'll shake his head at me being such a kid and message me:
"my god! thinking so much about it uh? chill re!"

2 comments:

  1. yo ARE a kiddo! lol.. i too think da same most o da tyms! ;) *high 5!*

    ReplyDelete

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