Wednesday, September 3, 2008

au revoir...

It hasn't rained this heavily in a long time.
My phone is switched off. Battery low.
I'm just lying here, numb.
Mom has asked me that question thrice over.
I haven't said anything.
I'm listening to "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls.
And tonight i just cannot hold off these tears.

The same movie is playing in my head, yet again....
first time I saw you... your "spider legs" handwriting... how I couldn't stop gushing about you to my sister... the first time I called you up... that white shirt of yours... how I used to draw your zoology diagrams... our first kiss... college fest... a thousand other college fests... elephant jokes... the fourth floor... "the blue bullshit"... pulse 2006... chemistry department disaster... the things you told me after graduation day... corner house ice creams... 11th of may last year... your favourite snooker shot... B11... that highway accident.. the first time I cried for you.. all the times you made me laugh.. that poem you wrote for me...

I remember everything...

A year and a half ago, life "couldn't have been better".
but, I didn't know that you were gonna take my life and wreck it-
and wreck it so bad that I'd never be able put it back together again.
You broke my heart and now I'm dying.
Thanks for making me one pathetic, weeping mess.
It's painful you know, to put on a stupid fucking happy face and walk around, when all you want to do is sit down & cry. Hoping someone would understand.
Hoping someone would go "its ok..."
I cannot tell you what I'm going through. I cannot tell anyone.
"I promise. We'll be friends... Forever."
Fuck. My. Life.

As of now, I have no clue where my life is going. I'm in the worst of situations. I'm helpless.
I don't know what will happen over the next five years.
Hopefully someone will put a band aid over my broken heart.
Hopefully you will.

You know, I just wish that I could wake up and realise this is all just a bad dream.
I hate what you've done to me.
I hate the fact that I let you do what you've done to me.
I hate the fact that deep down, I still hope you will change & come running right back to me.

And now, you're leaving huh...?
I cannot tell you how sad i am.
Because, I'm not.
Have fun.

As for these tears, they are gonna keep coming...

...for a lifetime, at the least.


  1. Your post reminds me of a question, the answer to which has eluded me for a long time.
    Why is it tough to get over a break-up?
    I have some interesting thoughts on the matter, but never really managed to arrive at a definitive conclusion.
    I do not understand why people are willing to let their emotions be controlled by someone else. (boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/any one for that matter)
    To roughly sum up my thoughts : how can you stop people from making you sad? the answer, in my opinion, is simple, Do not let them make you happier than how much you can make yourself happy.

  2. Btw, how did you come across my blog?

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. u kno...i totally relate to this somtyms...i duno why v let these stupid bastards take ovr r lyf...they r jus not worth it!
    n com to think f it i (NOW) agree wid Indian Psycho(lol...naice name dude!;))
    n hopefully i wnt repeat my mistake again....n u wont eithr..promise me....:)

  5. its one of those things you think is right for you and something you would have given you life for... when that goes away it hurts like hell...
    but now i know the deal, i'm gonna keep myself happier than any else can...

    thanks sajeev!

    and hina, yup i promise, cuz one more heartbreak n i'm a goner! :'(

  6. i woke up at 3:30 am once to watch the rerun of a samurai jack episode i missed the previous day. :D
    guess i beat you on that one.

  7. awww pecky!! gosh sounds lik both o us went thru the same shit...n hopefully ur over n done wid it:(


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