News flash

Clueless, the 20 year old bundle of useless talent and a shining star of the Poor-Jokes world is on the brink of death. Stressful college activities are reported to have pushed her to the edge, though experts suggest it could be due to nicotine or alcohol overdose or both.

Last heard, clueless's "Project hot-bod for Christmas & New Year" had taken off with a bang only to crash-landed on day 3 due to her enlightenment about class tests from 17th of this month through 19th.
She is reported to have cried inconsolably at the failed mission. Though top sources tell us that she is secretly overjoyed at the thought of lazing in bed for "a few more precious hours" every morning.
We do not know whom to believe.

We're interrupting this broadcast to get you I-swear-I-dont-know-what.
Oh. Ooops. Sorry.
What you're going to hear now is the voice of clueless. We've managed to establish telephone contact with her:

"Hey there readers... *cough* These assholes have already told you everything that has to be told... Just that I really miss posting here... but I am busy and almost dead *cough cough* Will post soon... I also have a few announcements to make when I return... Ahem. Love you guys. Thanks for the patience. *gasp* Nurse!! Water! WATER! Aaaa... ... ..."

Welcome back. Fresh reports coming in about... er... Christmas decorations for her blog and a "poll" if I'm not mistaken. Yes. They're going to be up shortly . Polls, we hear, were a popular feature of her blog back in 2008.

We do not have any footage to show you; no File photos of her "in happier times" either.
We don't know what else to say.
We're experiencing technical glitches.
(That always works.)

...and everything.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Lollipops and a yo-yo.

Go ahead; drop your hat
and laugh,
gargoyle face.

20 candles...
and here we are...
A table for two in butterfly-town.
A lecture on "the proper noun"

To paint me a smile,
then walk for a mile.
To hold onto air,
and call it "angel from my nightmare"

Toy soldier.
My endless fight;
my sleepless night.
Superhero
...and everything.

The Ugly Truth... (Everybody has one)

Psychology is dull.
I had a test on "Study of gender differences".
See, that is a just a tiny part of my psychology syllabus that explores everything from modules of memory, to intelligence theories, and biological basis of behaviour.
Dull.
So I started going through the stupidly typed out "points to remember".
-Men naturally exhibit qualities to do with leadership, aggression, and independence.
-Women possess traits involving warmth, nurturance and sensitivity.
*Yawn*
-Women do not state the facts outright, but tend to add question tags.
eg. "Its cold today, isn't it?"
No thanks, not me.
-Men talk assertively and state facts outright.So much easier. Hmm.
-Women are better at transmitting and decoding non-verbal cues (involving facial expression, eye contact, body postures and movements). They can tell what another person means/wants by observing and mentally analysing these cues.
They do? Am I missing something here? If a man scratches his balls, isn't he just itchy? End of story, no? What's to fucking decode?!
-Women view aggression as loss of self control, thus, avoid it
Ha! Gay bitches.
-Men view aggression as an exercise in self control over others, as a result of challenge to their self esteem.
See? That's more like it! I still remember. Dyutidhar. Bitch-slapped him right across the face!
-Causes for gender differences... blah... Berenbaum and Hines... blah blah 1992 study... assessment of children's preferences in toys... blah...
Toys...
Toys.I never had a barbie doll. Barbie is gay.
Soft toys- nope. Teddy bears- hell no. No pink shit. No frocks. No baby pictures of me with long, brushed, pretty hair. I'm covered in mud in half my photos. I'm bruised/bleeding/crying in the rest.
The words rang in my head:
Barbie dolls... Aggression... Nurturance... Body postures... toys... mud... bruises... differences. GENDER DIFFERENCES.

I'm..... I'm....? not? *sob* Am I not....? *sniff sniff*
I have more boy-traits than girl traits. *sniff*
After all those hours spent every morning to shave my legs? After all these years of sitting down and peeing? *sob*
"But what the hell! I have boobs! I've had them forever" I said to myself as I broke down.
"Adi has boobs." said an evil voice that came from the very depths of my head.
"Shut up motherfucker" I said to the evil voice that came from the very depths of my head.

Then, I heard a bodiless 'good' voice. I wiped the tears off my face. With a very business-like tone, it asked me a few questions.

Do you know about the latest sensation in the gadget world?
"No."
What are 'stocks' and 'shares'?
"Dunno."
RSS feeds? BitTorrent??
"No idea."Do you get drunk and talk about sex?
"Yes."
Did you watch Swat Kats as a child growing up? "Nope!"
Do you watch football only because of the hot guys and not know what 'offside' means?
*giggle*
Congratulations, clueless. You are a girl.
You are as much a girl as Edward Cullen is gay.
"Oh! Thank you bodiless 'good' voice with a very business-like tone! Thank you ever so much! I can peacefully go to sleep now and think about unnecessary things to spend a lot of money on!
Goodnight..."

Predictable, aren't I?

aapko
mummy ko
pappa ko
munna/munni ko
best friend ko
girlfriend ko
pados wali aunty ko
doodh wale ko
kaam bai ko
doggie ko
meow ko

Happy diwali!
Have a bright and shiny one! :)

What's exams got to do with it?

Everything.



My end semester exams start on October 12th
*faints*

-Rewind to a few days back-

Me: (beaming) I've done really well in the tests! :D
Dad: (from behind the newspaper) Of course you did, you are older than everybody else in class.
Me: Er... hello? I really did well...
Dad: (in some kinda trance) You had better get a distinction. All your cousins have completed graduation! No excuses! Top the college! I want to see a gold medal!
Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahha!
Haha. It's B.A. I'm doing. They wont give me a gold medal even if I take the exam under the fricking ocean and top the class.
Dad: (in total trance) Don't say that. Work hard. Have faith. You can do it. You Can Win. One Minute Manager. Who moved My Cheese? First, Break All The Rules. 7 Habits of Habits of Highly Effective People. (yes, I said total trance)
Me: Er... Bye dad.

* * *
Its 3 days, 85 hours and 5001 minutes for exam to start and I have questions:

Why does my best friend decide to buy that dark, gloomy cloud and hang it right over my head?
Why must the cutest boy in town message me all the time when I have 5 full units to study?
Why does my dad suddenly decide to "let's have a drink tonight, beta?"
Free fucking whiskey- like I'll ever refuse.
Why is my blow-job of a neighbor bursting crackers all day- at regular intervals of time?
Motherfucker, it ain't diwali yet and I'm really trying to study.
And why does my other neighbor suddenly want to drill a zillion holes in his wall?!
If he goes on for one more day, I swear he'll be the first of our species to have two assholes.
Why did my sister bring the world's-most-amazing-movie-collection home?
How can I fall asleep while studying, 6 times in a row?
How the fuck can I still be watching TV & eating potato chips all day?
Who replaced my appetite with a whale's?!

Synopsis:
Exams- they're here.
I have just 2 million distractions to battle.
I just cant stop eating for fuck's sake.
Calorie intake surpasses actual requirement by light years.
Seratonin OD. I cant even stay awake long enough to figure out "functions of the hippocampus"
Exams- they're here.
*dies*

"New Post! Awwwww!"

You've hounded your friends for weeks now.
The pictures have finally reached you.
You've finally made that new album on Facebook.
You've tagged your friends.
And then....
5 minutes later
*Retry* And then...
15 minutes
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

My big, fat, conniving, song writing, sudoku-solving head couldn't come up with a single interesting caption for a single damn photo!

I think it has happened. It's a sign. I know I've hit the bottom.
It's that time in your life when all those girls- in your class, in the corridor, in the canteen, in the quadrangle; girls who cry because they miss their hamster, girls who hug each other because the are hungry, girls who talk like movement of vocal chords is fatal- have finally defeated you.

Seriously how are you supposed to think clever/come up with cool stuff when all you hear is bimbo-talk from 8 am to 3 pm (and sometimes even in your nightmares)?

Dear God,
Do you want to know how my class is?
They dont watch the news.
They dont know what Twitter is.
They think Edward Cullen secretly watches them sleep.
They cant spell "medulla oblongata"
Their favourite word is "awwwwwwwwwww" with exactly that many w's in it.
So let me know when I can hang myself.
Waiting to hear from you real soon!

Sample this:
In creative writing class, we were given the topic "cold nights"
20 among the class of 33 wrote:
"snuggled in a warm blanket... by the fireplace... hot cup of coffee... reading P.S. I Love You/thinking of a special someone"

Yes. I'm starting a campaign to create awareness about the fact that the grey cells in your brain can actually be used.

Sigh..... I miss chaos...

I gotta go find a nice, strong rope.
Oh and one huge request:
Don't ignore my blog. Please.
Without your love and comments, it'll die :'( :'(
I'll write soon.

*The not so great quality of this post must explain what I was trying to say.

Get up! GET UP! Sing the birthday song!!

Its my blog's very first birthday today!
I think I'm going to cry!
:')
Aaaaaaaa! Feels awfully longer though, to be honest...
I remember what my blog was fiiiiirst called:

*sudden flashback*

"Tragedy of Errors"
Hahaha... Cheesy or what?
Well, in my defense, this was at a time when everything was going nightmarish-ly wrong for me.

...A small Christmas makeover later, I rechristened my blog "This Will Keep Changing"
(I called my other blog "This Though, Will Remain As Is")
You see?
Ahem.

Months passed. Boredom struck.
I decided I want the blog to be called "C'est la vie". I went ahead and regretted immediately.
It was quite dead for my liking.
So I thought about a newer title.
Couldn't come up with anything that didn't sounded like a clone of something that was already out there.

Along came my birthday- and then it hit me:
"Hey! Let me scream to the world that I'm twenty now!"
"Hey! Let me also scream to the world that I have a million problems!"

Quite a story... Hmmm...
Then again, not much has changed. I'm still clueless, aren't I? :P


Hugs going out to everybody who reads my crap.
Super-duper thanks to:
-rohith for being my very first "follower"
-rahul for consistently being the first comment on most of my posts :) :)
- manu for giving amazingly honest critique
-adi, akshay, pappu, goirick, prithvi raj, tom, kraven and dzi for the boost!

Thank you axedude- you are the sole reason I started this blog...
And in many corners this still is about you & me, who sadly enough, can never be....


Ladies, gentlemen and Edward Cullen (you gay bitch!)
You are now looking at a just-turned-one
"Acne and other troubles of a 20 year old"

:)

threadbare excuses

"ooh! technology!"

small world. smaller people.

quite late.

what is 'pain'?

cats purr. dogs talk.

but wait-

define "awesome time"

jarring note. lets vote.

(sedate)

heard Mozart is in town.

silly fucking world. silly fucking people.

celebrate?

Verbal constipation

Commence "Operation blurt-your-problem-on blogger-dot-com-so-people-you-hardly-know-yet-love-can-give-you-advice". Now.

Ok people! I am having a huge issue with my speech these days!

I cannot string four meaningful words together! No!

Sample this:

17 year old classmate: "Hi! How you doing today"

Me: "*pause* er.. sunshine.. healthy.. er.. gbgbb.. dbb.. gllgg"

17 year old classmate: "Oh! Hmmm what class do we have now? Any idea?"

Me: "*pause* yeah.. i think.. its that... gddg.. lady.. you know.. short.. uhhq.. fat.. ghhg.. er.. lady."

17 year old classmate: "Are you ok?"

Me (nodding at the speed of a high frequency oscillator): "hmm! ghhg."

Her: "Er ok bye!"

Me: "*long pause* ggghbg."

What an embarrassment! I must've looked like I was trying to control potty!

Not just her, each time there is a discussion in class or a gossip-session going on, my vocal chords decide to start shagging! No matter how carefully the words constituting my response are chosen and arranged- my tongue refuses to move in my mouth! Bitch!

And so, all that the class can hear, are my slobbery little gghgs and bddbds and ulkks.

:'(

I think its the sudden switch from being highly unsocial to lots of hey's and hi's and introductions and blah.

Dear rapid fire tongue,

I miss you. Please come back.

-gagged

I chanced upon this little furball at www.corsini.co.uk.

Reminds me a lot of my once-active Gundu :)

Sigh!

Hmmm... I'm gonna google around for some yogasanas for my stiff fucking tongue!

See ya'll soon!

PS: I gave Twilight a shot. Stephanie Meyer's "international bestseller".

BORING!

300 pages in, I decided that book is shit and didnt bother finishing it.

:|

Blah!

And this morning I caught myself doing the weirdest thing, on a whim.
No forethought or any form of planning had gone into it...

Menus appeared, disappeared as I wordlessly searched away... Soon the rapid mouse-clicking and continuous keyboard-jabs of the past 20-25 minutes had given way to some serious déjà vu...

My PC speakers, which are otherwise conditioned to scream aloud numbers by Children of Bodom, were happily crooning almost-forgotten tunes from black and white movies, when it was still legal for the heroine to have curves.

yeh dil na hota bechara
kadam na hote aawara...
jo khoobsoorat koi apna
humsafar hota...

I flopped back on my bed, reminiscing...
This was exactly how it was, some ten years back, summer holidays in good old Jodhpur.
Raj Kapoor and Nargis on a rainy night; when cassettes still ruled supreme, Mohammad Rafi... Khoya khoya chaand... Kishore Kumar's magic, RD Burman's trippy numbers... And aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai...
I miss those broken songs... of not having known the meaning of those words... innocently singing along nevertheless; out of tune and wrong lyrics.
:)

Tapping my feet to sheer nostalgia I decided to go web hunting for nothing in particular...
Here's something I came across on Zafra's Flickr page :

Good eh?
Exactly the kind of stuff that keeps my plans, of opening my own art studio someday, alive and kicking! :D
Shh! Just a little business plan that I'll think of after menopause :P

* * *
And oh! I cannot express how happy I am that I am out of a life that would require me to get fucked, doggy style by a slut called Calculus every night before exams!
Lord, you are kind! :D
Mighty respect though, to people who enjoy it. (I mean the subject, of course) :P

* * *
Ladies and gentlemen!!
Its now time for today's handy tip, in my new segment called.. er well..
"Today's Handy Tip!"

Q. What are you to do when your neighbor's 9 year old has puked so much that the euuugh!-factor has pervaded into your house, right up your nostrils and is molesting your olfactory lobe while you are working on your computer/laptop/any other gadget that is designed to give you cancer or worse upon prolonged exposure?
My handy tip:
"Procure a 100 ml bottle of your favorite fruit concentrate shampoo and sniff on it continuously till you pass out."

* * *
Bulletin board courtesy Clueless's Random News Bureau:

-The much talked about 10 Rupee coins were launched recently!

I think they look pretty fancy... but it ends there.
Do tell me what you think of these.

-Girls! Retail therapy works! (like you needed another soul confirming it!)
So, if you are feeling hopelessly low: hit the shower, get dressed, steal your dad's credit card and go shopping.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
And if all those shopping bags in your hand still don't get you going, get some part of your body pierced.
Cheaper than getting a tattoo and it does NOT hurt much! :D

-Boys! Here's something I read in a glossy, waiting, outside the dentist's:
"Flowers die, photographs fade but bras & panties last forever or at least until you rip them off..."
Haha!
No I'm not saying buy her lingerie! What am I? Some kind of free advertising agency? NO!
I'm saying make love while the sun shines, baby!!
That will make you a satisfied hence calmer person at office, on the road, at lunch, and even while doing the dishes, thus helping you contribute to world peace.

- And oh!! Nadal ousted from ze French Open! *shriek* what next? Cows that cant fly? Or lions that roar? Oh my god! Such impossibility! :|
Sorry for the sarcasm but this one's for the people who said "Feddy looks cute in tears" and things...
Nefarious Demon? Listening? :P
Its OK to lose.

-Is this really going anywhere?
No duh!
(-_-)

I'll write soon!
Ta!

Why?

June 13, 2008 at 10:54 am
"Just got 8.0 in the IELTS!"

June 25, 2008 at 12:07 pm
You wrote that you were "confused, frustrated, distraught, nostalgic and yet perfectly happy about it all."

June 27, 2008 at 9:55 am
". . .is losing faith, losing control, losing it all...."

July 2, 2008 at 1:49 pm
"is blogging his heart out and is hoping someone will eventually get the message..."

You put me to sleep one night. And then, you were gone...

Today, nearly a year later, I'm sitting here going through the pages of your "book" that the world reads... Older pages... Pages from the time when I wasn't a part of the site yet.

I'm in tears and absolutely heartbroken.

I only have one thing to ask you:
Why?

Why did you not say to me the very things I wanted to hear?
Why did you have to strut breezily all over town with so much in your head?
Why did you say nothing?

I'll never know...

Maybe some things are better left unsaid.
It maybe that some questions do not have answers after all.

And on September 12, 2008 at 4:16 pm you wrote:
"the rain, the cold, the wind, the pain! and yet, it feels like it should!"

House hunting

Should we move to the outskirts and buy a house there?
Should we just keep this house and rent a big apartment?
Can we afford to take another housing loan?
Is it a good time to sell at all?

Sunday mornings spent poring over the classifieds.
Rows and rows of houses screaming to be bought.
A hopeful phone call after reading the one ad that "feels right".
Talks. Negotiation.
Houses spread right across the city. Apartments. Houses with gardens.
Houses without gates (!). Big houses. Small houses. Duplexes- sigh!
Dilemma.
Headache.

I must've seen all kinds of houses and spoken to a helluva lot of types of people in the past few months!
And the fact remains:
We are yet to find ourselves a warm little nest! :(
If one house has a very unflattering view from the windows, the other cant boast of a parking space :|
The "perfect house" is either too fricking expensive or on planet Uranus!
And if by chance a house fits perfectly in our budget, then... ahem... the owner becomes mortally allergic to dogs!

wtf.

And each time I come as close to it as having picked "my room" and "where the bean bag will go" and "purple drapes... definitely purple!'' it slips right out of our hands and right into the rejected-houses-list.

This is harder than I thought it would be... Tch.
Hmph!

God I feel 40! :|

I ♥ you, pally!

And today, people, I'm letting you in on my latest obsession!
Turn around your boring tank top/ t-shirt into a statement.
Behold!


Short for Palestinian scarves, "the pally" sure is making a lot of heads turn!
Personally, I'm lovin' it!
Big thank you to that article in Bangalore Times of course :)
Now run out and get one already!

* * *
Things heard/read/said over the month gone so swiftly by:

"This is a nightmare. Please wake me."
Art Vandelay said this of Arsenal's horror show at the UEFA semis.

"Democracy died with the hippies..."
-the front man of Utopia (rocking out at a college fest near you)

"The actual useful people are never really your friends."
He calls it 'Sandy's theory of life'. Ahem.

"The future ain't what it used to be."
Yogi Berra

"Music is Pink Floyd."
Cyrus Broacha

They call it PMS because mad cow disease was taken.
Read somewhere on the world wide web; author anonymous.

"You haven't been to Goa? What? Seriously? Why have you not been to Goa?! I cant believe you haven't been to Goa!" said a tanned friend recently back from where-else-but-Goa.

What is common b/w Gandhiji and Shah Rukh Khan?
Both of them returned to India after getting insulted in South Africa. :|
This is the stupid SMS that woke me up today. LAME.

"Hey! You are becoming a Page3 person! How disgusting! :-) "
-the friend who sends me e-books :P

"Red Bull is made from bull sperms... Yep... You didnt know that? It has bull semen in it. Processed of course. Hey! You know... I think you can put that in your CV... "I've blown an angry bull and I don't spit! Hahaha!"
Revelation followed of course by violent retching and nausea.

"Looks like Arsenal should stop playing games at home! :D "
-Camel

"Ohhh! So... like... You are two years older than all of us...?"
as comprehension dawned upon the faces of those 17-somethings who I will be starting my grad course with :(

* * *
Hmm... So I'll be turning 20 soon.
Another year wasted. Spent done nothing the world might remember me by.
On the brighter side though, academic life is finally back on track! Yay! :D
I've guzzled down about 20 litres of Tropicana over the past week.
I also went to a nightclub after ages! Nirvana! :D
I saw a movie called The Unborn. Utter crap.

I'm reading this book called "Relationship Management: How not to piss off friends and be a good girlfriend and make your parents go 'awwww' and teach your dog how to play fetch."
It came free with a copy of "Are you depressed? Don't be! Read this book!"

* * *
Have you ever been showered with pee?
While passing under a railway bridge on your two wheeler? All dressed up?
Happened to me.
x((

Bon Appétit

Before proceeding, please bear in mind that the mercury is soaring these days. Soaring sky high.

*A cousin of mine threw a barbecue party couple of days back.
*Went to a friend's birthday treat at a punjabi dhaba the day before.
*Last night again, my mad, drunk family dragged me to a... wait for it... KABAB STUDIO!
* Mum made eggs for breakfast this morning.
*My fucking tribal neighbor wont stop roasting garlic for her toxic chicken curries!!

That's it.

Talk about overdose! Eugghh!
I'm crying tears of blood so this would all just change and my tummy is no more subjected to such horror!
Anything not vegetarian is officially grossing me out!
I've even been retching in my sleep! X(

All i can think about is fruits and vegetables.
I really need a job at the greengrocer's...


Then again, maybe not.
Yuck!

I'll see you soon. Need to go barf now x(

.blind

...and so i reach the end of the book.

"you never told me you wrote poems!
that was the nicest thing i've read..."
i see you smile,
that heart throbbing smile of yours.

Second time around, i pretend to read,
trying to figure out,
that cologne you're wearing.

i love the clever things you write
"there's more to you, than meets the lips"
wine? woman?
you could be talking about either,
i hardly know you...
seven years is just for the records.

its minutes to midnight,
your voice is doing things to me...
i just wish you'd keep talking all night,
and come a little closer,
only so i can hear you better...

you talk about friends and foes,
in a trance, i agree and nod.
mumbling, i string words together,
merely to prove i'm following,
and not thinking about him...

you sense me drifting, slowly away,
and offer me a drink.
i turn it down and wisely so,
your eyes are intoxicating me enough.

i liked that you asked me to dance,
i liked that you haven't changed a bit,
i hate lilies; but "hey... nice flowers"
the song is perfect, but i haven't waltzed before;
i've seen your face, but never looked before.

it sets me on fire when you look at me like that,
i'm hypnotized.
cant seem to break this gaze.
brainfreeze.
its a slow dance & still i'm breathless,
my knees feel weak; i think i'll succumb,
on a pitch black night
even sinning feels right
don't you see it yet...?
oh read between the lines...

his face disturbing me no more,
i'm inches away from letting go of reason.
silence has set in for the first time tonight,
but you decide let go & end our dance!

standing there; slightly unhinged,
i see you return,
hands full of parchment...
more silence, as i read these poems,
poems that you wrote for....
...me

* * *
quarter to three;
we've been speaking for hours now.
i like your whiskey breath...
i like it when you are this close to me...
and there's one last thing i need to say,

i'm drunk on you,
don't leave me here,
all high and dry...
just come with me to bed tonight,
i can no more tell green from red.
lets not discuss wrong and right,
for i'm blind, too blind tonight.


Postscript:
Written in the wait for the single guy I've loved all my life.
This is just a poem. I don't know what happened to him.

(s)nippet masala

My head feels better now, albeit a tad too heavy...
So i'll just go ahead and start talking...
* please note that I've posted my new poll on the right side of the page,
do vote :)
-thanks-
Notes made over the past few weeks:
-YouTube has no real Oswald videos!!! (Yeah, the blue octopus from Tiny TV)
-This country has no hope. If you try and correct someone for something they did wrong, they ask you to "thika mucchu" and go home.
-Vodafone Chhota Credit is robbing me of my secret under-the-pillow 10 Rupee notes that I keep "for emergencies only"!
-Your nose will always itch after you've put your hands into the gooey chapati dough.
-India, broadly, has two kinds of people: The uneducated/uncultured people with money/power. And the educated/cultured people with no money/power.
-I decided that I should have decided to be a world class chef when I was 8.
-You will always get what you want; but never quite when you want it.


"We don't talk often, because well... we cant.
I'm feeling the distance sink in, which is not good.
Things are a bit strained; and I'd be over the moon if he thinks otherwise.
I wait for him to appear online for about 26 hours a day & that probably freaks him out.
It sure tires me.
Would be nice if he'd call someday."


I collected 1,200 fucking bucks for those shoes I've wanted for weeks now.
They're out of stock. At all three fucking stores...

a haircut gone wrong
marijuana
cash on hand
rain!
unsocial
an empty mailbox
nostalgia
void
tighter curfew
wow. life just keeps getting... more interesting.

-From this movie called Notting Hill:
"...the more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life.
No one knows why some things work out and some things don't; why some of us get lucky and some of us... (get fired...)"

Parting shot:
I'm not a lazy blogger! Please don't delete me from your reader yet!
Lots of blog action promised for April!
(please say "Yayyy!" and clap now)

Gone fishin'

caricature:
–noun
1. a picture or description, ludicrously exaggerating the peculiarities or features of a person's face.
I recently had an artist draw mine... And I'm not complaining.

kleenex.
children of bodom.
lace.
zener diode.
goa.
tick
tock
tick... tock...

Allow me, the blissfully ignorant one, to share some gyan with you:
* Don't ever wish that you could go back in time to change something that happened. Because hey, you are going back in time right? You cant go back back any smarter than you already were. Whats worse... you'll have to live it all again.
*Your boyfriend isn't shallow; you are probably looking like a garbage can. Just check.
*Take a bleeding heart and throw in a thesaurus; you now have a poet!
*Life is entertainment like no other. Just grab your pop corn and sit back.
*When your girlfriend has no currency to text message for two weeks straight; you're on your way to getting dumped.
*Save water. Shower with your neighbour. Don't shower.
*On a bad hair/face/ass day, smoke half a pack of cigarettes.
Works like magic.
* If you do not generally laugh when someone farts; you need immediate help.

I'm not doing very well, thank you.
i BLEW my chances of getting the Carlsberg Beer promotion happening all over town.
i have broken my glasses, again.
HAIRFALL!! X(
is it ok to feel vomit-y for 48 hours+ ?
is it not ok to lie down and have dinner?
i'm sick of this sweltering weather.
approximately 40% of the girls in Bangalore need to go get a life.
will you take me home?
I said "NO" to beer yesterday!!
Hence proved.

You see, i'm feeling a bit retarded.
I need to pull myself together... you know... get my act right.

So i'm off...

Leaving you here with...

...me!

Sayonara!

abandon my agony

The night is dying
soon the sun will knock on my door
I reach for you again...
Want to touch you one last time...
knowing too well
that this dream will end, as dawn breaks...

Often, the morning breeze bothers me.
When "sweet nothings" become literally that,
is it too late to try and make things better?
Where is the sense in holding tight
when you've let go?

Once there was you
then you took my hand
and when we both sang
it felt like... living...

When summer ended
it snatched you away...
The fireplace just doesn't help anymore
& I've never been one to borrow a shoulder...
Its winter when you're away.
but its winter either way,
stone cold that you are...

How will speaking softly help?
You are scared as hell/that's how it seems.
You don't want the whole world knowing,
and say "not just yet..." but i know what that means.

And then there was me,
immaculate...
talking a lot
and walking the talk,
from a distance, of course...
...until the day
i stumbled...

lying here, chagrined, is painful...
there's a storm... in my head...
and a heart that aches...

but something isn't right...
wait.
it's you and me we're talking about here...
did i not tell you?
did i not promise?

Don't let go...
"not just yet" and you know what I mean...
make it worth the battles I've fought...
make it worth all those tears...
every night, ever since...

Redeem me of the pain...
take my hand and save my life...



*Title inspired by name of Bangalore based death metal band Abandoned Agony.

I randomly crave for certain eatables at un-godly hours.

4 pm.
the other day:

I was starving.
The chapatis weren't tempting me.
I bought a pack of Britannia bourbon.

My mind was racing...
"Sorry my love, I have been unfaithful. I have been guiltily snacking on potato chips for a while now. Pardon me. But know this, I never forgot you... ever. Thought about you... all along....
Only you.
But do not weep, for I have to returned.
This is our destiny. I have you in my arms now. I ask for nothing more."

(at this point I take a break to laugh my butt off, oblivious to the bored/annoyed expression on YOUR face)

(I now continue the narration)

I ripped the packet open, which I noticed had changed (a considerable bit) over time.
With the gastric juices completely at work, I plunged my hand into the packet and pulled one baby out- all the while muttering "yum.... yum... yum...."
I gazed at it.

*whip cracking noise*
Eyes: widen in shock.
Salivary Glands: suddenly defunct.
Violins in the background: grind to halt.

One. Sugar. Crystal.
Just one bloody sugar crystal on the entire rectangular space...
What?? no!!
What happened to so many sugar crystals that used to almost cover the biscuit?!
I checked out the other pieces!
Same story.

My heart fell.
I felt like the Prince, who after being banished from his kingdom for epic-inspiring-reasons, returns to see it in evil hands.
In ruins.
Tears, then anger, consumed me!
I declared war!

(I now decide to cut out on anymore possible Ramayan-ish innuendos from this narration and mellow down my tone)

Disappointed, I finished the pack of sugar crystal deficient "bubbon bikki"... reminiscent... of the days in Jodhpur... and this biscuit then...
Sitting on the swing, I let the wave of mixed feelings crash against me. Over, and over again.
And I wordlessly asked no one in particular...
"you think they got them too? britannia little hearts... do you...?"
And I realised i had this well formed tear, sitting at the corner of my right eye...
I bent my head... closed my eyes...
It rolled right down...

* * * * * *



Its 4 bloody am.
I think I have insomnia.
Enrique's music is gay.
I want some hot, "full of flavour" melt-in-the-mouth seekh kababs.
Right now x(
I am salivating.
Like you aren't. biiiitch.
Willing to even go brush my teeth for it!
Its 4 bloody am.

* * * * *

More on "Why I'm listening to great music form the 40's, 50's and 60's" soon.
Also, listen in on what movie I watched over the weekend & how I killed a grizzly bear in an epic tale of love, nutrition and symbiosis.

Stuff I want to post about but cant find enough smart-ass words:
*cell phones (i want to throw mine away 'cuz it wont stop beeping.)
*insomnia
*valentine's day
*relationships
*dark circles
* and... about my "me nooo shut up, ever." disease

time: 0430 hours.
YAWN.
Good morning folks.
:|

New Post. ( i'm THAT bored)

I'm feeling horrible today. My guy friends' group is en-route to Mallu Land for vacation*
I am not.
I am at home. Not travelling in a train. Not laughing my head off at men's humour that I was just designed to resonate with. Not planning on how to get druuuuunk, the next seven days. No sirree.
Not making grand plans of how to protect our bags & luggage from strangers/thieves/cops.
And certainly not chalking out a cool modus operandi involving my bros helping the only girl in the group get around Thrissur without being stoned to death. 

Activity: Write a letter to someone you have always wanted to, but have never had the time. Grades to be counted for final assessment."

Letter that didn't get an A+

Dear Indian moral police,
Fuck you, okay? In the ass. And NO lube.
Long time... Haven't heard from you guys since, erm, the last time you took away someone's freedom? Hope all is rotten your end.
I have to congratulate you upon your latest accomplishment. Thanks for stopping me going on a rail trip with my brothers!

These were the reasons given to an almost-20 year old girl (with the best biceps in the group) as to why she shouldn't go on this trip:
a) "You are incapable of protecting yourself." Well, you're wrong there.
b) "You must not be sharing rooms with boys. " My fucking life!

c) "What if you get homesick/in a problem?" 7 days for Lord's sake. Just 7 friggin' days.
d) Finally, the trump card-  *that* shocked expression. seriously? You people are sadists. And pussies. Oh and also, narrow minded. NARROW MINDED. Hey, did I mention "narrow minded"?

Hmmm... So... %&^$ @# ? $^ Ah? @#$%^* i do hope... And*!@$@ h#% d#$%^^* v $%&^ #$^%^f d$^% b &%* o&#$ It sure @$%&(. You $% ghd%eta f*#$ you definitely do $^^@#$... hmmm so how t$#^%?? Aww fuck you... %$&^ $^*^** #%% Yeah, *%&#$ 'kay!

Until next time then...
Two middle fingers.

Pecky

* * * * *

Feeling all sad, I got home from the railway station.
6:20 am.

Vh1.

Excuse me?

Yeah. That's him and that is him.
"Streets of Philadelphia" was playing.
That's when I realised... that... these two have ditto faces!


See??


Uncanny or what? #celebritylookalikes

* * * * *

I force this upon my ears when I'm low and out.
James Brown: I Feel Good.

It really just works like a motherfucker.

Hmmm so until I get my next salary, or that phone call from UK, or maybe even an extra itchy pimple,
bye!
=)

P.S.
All images in this post have been put together by me.

Aren't Yellow dresses just F. A. B.?
Period.

signed: clueless.

So...
I'm currently ga-ga over:

POLAROIDS!

I mean, how fantastic are these things (right now)?
If you know me well, you'll know what's going on in my head.
"How much will a Polaroid cam cost? Wiki- here i come! Hmmm and what should I shoot when I get it..? Whats gonna be the caption for each shot...? How to convince dad? Hey I can take cool pictures with it for my blog. One everyday, like Ashley! Wow I love Polaroids!"

I recently saw a lot of these in a documentary on the Discovery channel, in "dostana" and hey, even visual DNA uses these! see? Polaroids are everywhere! :D

(Image used is a photograph taken by Jeff Zoet in 2005)

And guess what I'm gonna do now...?

talk some more! XD

*Try saying aloud, "wasps" or "tasks" even "grasps".
Notice the weird little noise at the end of each word- they're quite funny!
Me and my sister were studying one afternoon and discovered this.
Now try "bursts" :P

*The goth name generator called me "Trainwreck". Heck!!
It also called sudvrjcuw "Trainwreck".

*My mother had been trying to talk to anybody from the TataSky "helpline" for two days. Apparently the mechanical voice kept asking her to wait till they connected her to someone from technical support. I tried. It connected in no time.
"Don't tell them you are an existing customer ma, press the button they ask you to, for scheduling an installation. Someone will answer in under 10 seconds" I told her.
It happens only in India!

*Chances are, you'll be less bored on Facebook after 3 hours of logging in, versus 2 on Orkut.

*I just saw the first look of Dilli 6- Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra's "much awaited next". Sorry to say but it looks like a Saawariya (minus the blue) meets Bluffmaster and they fly to New York movie!
I really hope I'm wrong, and that there's more on offer.

*12 different people asked me 57 different questions today.
"I don't know" has been my answer.

*Yesterday I was just going through my music library. You know, through the old stuff which i haven't heard in the longest time And i came across an old favourite- Come Undone by Duran Duran... have heard it 23 times since.
Also playing: Billy Joel's She's always a woman to me. Two steps behind by Def Leppard, this track called Its all coming back to me now and Ronan Keating's When you say nothing at all... Also the almost dreamy Fable by Robert Miles.
I feel 14 again! :)
By the way, my sister finally got an i-pod (pink!!) as a late Christmas gift. So yayyy!
:D

* Have you noticed that I'm actually sounding cheerful? Unlike the 364 days of last year? I'll tell you why. Its because I know I have a way out. I just realised that I can always just get the hell out of engineering. So there's really nothing much to worry about and cry! =)

*From the makers maker of Orkutti and the Menu Card jokes:
Q: If they made a sequel to "Rock On!!" what would they call it?
Ans: Moron.
(as in, More-On!!)

If you didn't think my joke was funny, go on, take a dekko of this:



Still not funny?
You need to get laid.

this will test your patience.

I'll just go ahead and say that 2008 was a crazy bitch.
I don't like crazy bitches.



All I remember from the year that has just about gone by, is:
a) getting drunk
b) crying

As on 1st of January, 2008:
weight: 62 kg.
hairdo: crap.
dressing sense: crap. transition phase clothes.
relationship status: great (i thought)
emotional rape count: 12
my phone: nokia 6030 :|
financial status: broke.
other status: non blogger, free of piercings, year back virgin, w/o a camera, depressed.

Flashback then, of the year that was:

January: One drunken welcome to 2008.
navel piercing!
one near death incident.

February: The great Indian ditching ceremony- I was left alone and shagging on valentines day :|
Meanwhile, one cry by Reethesh made me the the butt of all jokes. "Jain college sucks" he screamed. Every other person in Ambedkar college gladly joined him. Boo ya!

March: I met two boys at this restaurant. One was the birthday boy, the other boy was all about "how to wear shades in the dark and make them look good".

April: I sat at home thinking how fun life in Jain college was.

May: My budday! :D I got calls till 2 in the morning which was great because in 2007, only 6 people wished me. (Yes, family and dog included)

June: The don't-attend-a-single-lecture month.

July: I'll call this month "the dark knight festival". I started writing again. Cried all night, July 29th after reading something in Jogi's Orkut scrapbook...

August: The great Indian flunk-athon. I died. So did my parents' hopes. But what the heck, other then the bad-ass Ramnagar trip, I cant remember anything else. \,,/. ye ye!

September: Partying with drunk uncles and aunts.

October: Partying with drunk uncles and aunts.

November: The jungle holiday at Kabini! :D

December: I had to be home alone for almost a week. C'mon! do your math! B-)


As on 1st of January, 2009:
weight: 61 kg.
hairdo: definitely feminine.
dressing sense: B-)
relationship status: great (touch wood)
emotional rape count: 36,004.
my phone: xpressmusic 5610 A samsung phone that weighs 4 kg.
financial status: ka ching!
other status: active on the blogosphere. Navel: pierced. Year back- been there, yawn...


Quick check...

-Work done over the year:
Reassessing my "people I should kill before I die" list.
-Goals accomplished:
"look feminine at the end of 2008" whew!
"take up part time jobs" Check. B-)
-Old friends I caught up with:
Deepu... finally! :)
&
The University of Melbourne grad student (ahem) and gang :D


-The biggest realisation of 2008:
Reading the newspaper/ watching a news bulletin is the single most depressing thing in life.
-Top medical disasters:
My nasal bone fracture. Yes, I fractured my nose. Try it at home, its not that easy.
-The biggest heart break:
When my phone crashed and I lost this poem called "in the depths of darkness... you bring me light" I cried my eyes out and looked everywhere for a copy... still cant string it together....
-Grossest moment of the year:
Cleaning Sandy's puke. Which made me puke. Thrice over.


"My year in pictures"/ photo awards/oww just take a look already!
Here we go...

First up, the most unforgettable day of 08!


08 - my favourite picture:



the most contemplated haircut:


the bestest pet ever... I cant believe we left him alone for 50 hours! :'(


this photo bags all awards under the "silliest poses" category:


the responsible citizen moment:



the most worked upon photo award:


here's why:



the "rotflol" moment of '08!



the "one of its kind" photograph award:


"most nostalgic photo" goes to:


My worst shot / disaster of the century:
(please kill one unskilled make up artist, today. You can make a difference.)


the strongest person of the year award:


beer swigging moment: #384


Its been a roller coaster of a year. (sometimes you just cannot help but be cliche, see?)
So this year I've decided not to cry...
Not even when my flip flops break.
Or when I see a lot of hair in a man's ears.
*gulp*

My new year resolution: To learn how to tie a tie. (no typo this.)

Looking forward to a good year!
No, I have not ordered tires for my car. Har har har!

not funny?
Ok :(

Happy new year, people! :D
Here's to love, life and laughter :)